I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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