Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it's like iHOP with fire
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
