Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
