Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
