Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
