you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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