how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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