Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
