im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
