i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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