We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
