TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
