I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
