My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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