either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
