the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize