i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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