I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize