So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
