I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
