If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
