Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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