At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
