nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
