rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
