I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
