my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
