hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
