Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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