Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize