I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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