Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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