So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
