after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
