spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
