take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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