Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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