im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
