well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
