Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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