Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
