Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
