omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
