if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
