You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
