We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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