That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I stole a fireplace last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
