So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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