its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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