my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
