Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
