Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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