i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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