He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
