i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize