im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
