i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize