I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
