i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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