Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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