then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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