i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
