I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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