Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your cock deserves a montage
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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