Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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