is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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