Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
