i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
