You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
