worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
