you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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