I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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