Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
