He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
