I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
