needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
that may or may not have been my penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
