you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
