I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
