moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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