How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
