Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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