3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
