so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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