those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
