i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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