I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
