my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
