I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
