I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
