This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
