my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
