fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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